Tag Archives: twitter

How to Make Your Work Day Go By!

Fridays Suck. They just do. At least until 6pm when I can log out and exit my cubicle. If it weren’t for y iPhone I would be lost. Oh, and my inappropriate co-workers. They help too.

1. Instagram.. I follow ridiculous juice heads and see thier self-absorbed transformations. Then I drink a sugary coffee and eat some birthday cake.

2. Facebook. Fuck Facebook. That usually doesnt help do anything but annoy me anymore.. why??

3. Southwest Airlines. I like to keep up on what flights cost. In case I need to flee Phoenix or something… Or you know, visit family back east.

4. Groupon. Who doesn’t love Groupon? Blue ray playeres, AsSeenOnTV gooodies, Getaways! Its the bees-knees!

5. Homework. I don’t do that shit on my own time. I wanna be paid to do it. Anyone take online classes? Anyone?

6. Top 5. Yea… you know what I mean. The top 5 people in your office you would do the dirty with! Its a fun game!

7. I also have another list. Fuckers who don’t wash their hands in the restroom. If you;re that person, Fuck you.

8. YouTube. Thank you, YouTube.

9. And thank you Netflix, Hulu, HBOGo. Once my boss leaves, I catch up On Jimmy Fallon, Mad Men, Girls… I love you Lena Dunham!

10. Lena Dunham… she has a free eBook on iTunes!

10.5. So does Tucker Max. He is a sick, vulgar SOB. But it is entertaining!!!

Thats what my Friday is consisting of! 4 more hours to go!!! What do you do to kill a painfully slow Friday??

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Pet Peeves of Online Dating

Who here has dabbled in online dating?  I’m not going to entertain the legitimacy of the whole thing, but I am going to go on a slight rant of my issues with some of these gentleman callers. Now, I understand that for many, like myself, online dating was brand new concept. For starters, it was a j-o-b to get a decent profile going. It is literally like selling yourself, much like a resume. But unlike a resume, you also have to include the most flattering of pictures, without them being misleading, of course. Shit, at least on my resume, it won’t reflect how I’ve neglected the gym or my love of selfies! But enough about that. Here goes…

Pictures.  What is with all the shirtless photos, men? I get it that you work hard in the gym, but you showing me your shirtless pic just tells me that you think I’m shallow enough to date you based on that alone. Shirtless selfies in the mirror? No. I’m sorry. I will pass!  Post a few (recent) pictures of yourself, just you. We don’t care if you had to crop friends out- that’s cool, we like you to have friends!

6 Things. You’ve been asked for 6 things you cannot live without. Please, either be ridiculously clever, or just plain and honest- say your cell phone and your dog like everyone else. I already know you can’t live without oxygen and water. I’ll take family, friends, laughter… That’s all good. But leave “sunshine” to the rookies.

Hey there, beautiful. Uh, fucking gag me. Whether it is your first message or your 5th, for heaven sake, say something worth reading and responding to. I learned after my first 24 hours of online dating, that the ones who cannot live without air are the same ones who begin their ‘big move’ with a numbing “hey”.  Comment on anything you want, anything at all, but give us somethin! Tell me a knock-knock joke, comment on where I grew up, or go ballsy and make fun of ME! Make us laugh, fellas.,. We just cannot live life without laughter!

All-inclusives. Those guys.. and girls.. who are just the MOST. SPONTANEOUS. PERSON you will ever meet. Really? Are you? Continue on, please about how we can find you doing anything from a movie night in or a night on the town. You are so exhilarating!! Mind= Blown.

These are just a few. But I think that many of the ladies would agree that these are standard online dating faux pas. We get it. It is tough to make an online profile that stands out in a crowd of hundreds. But I promise you that if you take the time to stay clear of trying to sound so cliché-unique and showing off your hot bod, you will get more bees with that honey! Ya heard? 

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