Tag Archives: gentleman

Pet Peeves of Online Dating

Who here has dabbled in online dating?  I’m not going to entertain the legitimacy of the whole thing, but I am going to go on a slight rant of my issues with some of these gentleman callers. Now, I understand that for many, like myself, online dating was brand new concept. For starters, it was a j-o-b to get a decent profile going. It is literally like selling yourself, much like a resume. But unlike a resume, you also have to include the most flattering of pictures, without them being misleading, of course. Shit, at least on my resume, it won’t reflect how I’ve neglected the gym or my love of selfies! But enough about that. Here goes…

Pictures.  What is with all the shirtless photos, men? I get it that you work hard in the gym, but you showing me your shirtless pic just tells me that you think I’m shallow enough to date you based on that alone. Shirtless selfies in the mirror? No. I’m sorry. I will pass!  Post a few (recent) pictures of yourself, just you. We don’t care if you had to crop friends out- that’s cool, we like you to have friends!

6 Things. You’ve been asked for 6 things you cannot live without. Please, either be ridiculously clever, or just plain and honest- say your cell phone and your dog like everyone else. I already know you can’t live without oxygen and water. I’ll take family, friends, laughter… That’s all good. But leave “sunshine” to the rookies.

Hey there, beautiful. Uh, fucking gag me. Whether it is your first message or your 5th, for heaven sake, say something worth reading and responding to. I learned after my first 24 hours of online dating, that the ones who cannot live without air are the same ones who begin their ‘big move’ with a numbing “hey”.  Comment on anything you want, anything at all, but give us somethin! Tell me a knock-knock joke, comment on where I grew up, or go ballsy and make fun of ME! Make us laugh, fellas.,. We just cannot live life without laughter!

All-inclusives. Those guys.. and girls.. who are just the MOST. SPONTANEOUS. PERSON you will ever meet. Really? Are you? Continue on, please about how we can find you doing anything from a movie night in or a night on the town. You are so exhilarating!! Mind= Blown.

These are just a few. But I think that many of the ladies would agree that these are standard online dating faux pas. We get it. It is tough to make an online profile that stands out in a crowd of hundreds. But I promise you that if you take the time to stay clear of trying to sound so cliché-unique and showing off your hot bod, you will get more bees with that honey! Ya heard? 

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Shave your Legs, & Be All You Can Be.

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Let me start by saying that I respect a man in uniform. Those that risk their lives to save a nation.

That being said, I met a ‘sniper’ about a month ago while dressed as a slutty ‘amy winehouse’. It was a Halloween party and this guy was incredibly shy. We chatted it up and ended up all going to a friends house to after party. We  had a Rated G make out session, cuddled a bit, and slept on the couch together. He is one of those super gentleman type guys who is humble, and respectful. Not sure if it is because of his rural Ohio roots, or the influence of serving our country at a young age. Either way, I was attracted.

About a month went by, and we saw each other again this past weekend. I played it cool, but I could tell he not only felt bad for not making an effort to see me again, but was also a little nervous. We all had some drinks and around last call decided to keep the party going. We went back to my house. I really like him. There was no superficial conversation, and we really got into each others minds. We put a movie on – Friends with Benefits. (More cuddling, like, the kind you do when you are super comfortable with someone…).

When I went out earlier in the night, I had no intention of having sex. Plus it was cold. Needless to say, shaving my legs did not cross my mind. We started fooling around a bit and I knew where this was going. I had 1 of 2 options. Deny myself sex with this good looking, sweet, hard bodied guy, with just the perfect amount of tattoos, OR have sex with him but focus my attention on making sure my legs don’t chafe his? Neither thank you!

What self respecting sexual creature would leave herself with such a dilemma. I did the honorable thing. I politely excused myself, letting him know that I would like to shave my legs, and in the meantime could he please go find some music and pour us another round of SoCo cokes.

GOOD CHOICE. I came out silky smooth, and refreshed (at 3am). We listened to some reggae, danced, laughed, and had a GOOD fucking time. In the morning we… ding ding ding!… cuddles more, laughed, and watched college football. We talked as if we had known each other for years. He’s one of those guys you automatically picture yourself with.

Take Away: So what if you find yourself in a delicious situation, but not fully prepared. Be a lady. Shave your legs. Be all You Can Be.

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