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My Manifestation, Damn it!

  1. an event, action, or object that clearly shows or embodies something, especially a theory or an abstract idea

I’ve been having these conversations with friends lately, about ~manifesting~ what we want in life. I believe that it helps. Putting it out there in the universe, and attracting our desires. I mean, it can’t hurt, right?  I very much believe in positive self-talk, and seeing the light wherever I can. Don’t you ever give yourself pep talks, perhaps Monday mornings on the way to work: “You can do this! Make it a good day, self!” So, that is what I am going to do now, and here. I am going to manifest my fucking dream man, damn it!! 😉

Oh, you thought I was going to say something deep and profound, huh? We’ll get there! But for now… where is THIS guy?

  1. He is motivated.  No, but seriously. He has a dream of his own. Not only a bog, fantasy dream, but also one that he is dedicated to achieving. I like that in a man. And i will be equally as motivated.
  2. But he is willing to take “sick days” with me. Please, just call out of work with me. Let’s stay in bed on a cold day, or float around the pool and day drink once in a while on hot ones!
  3. He wants to go on weekend getaways with me. I don’t need luxury resorts and fine dining… but let’s take some time to spend a night or two out of town, or downtown! Get excited with me!
  4. Always smells good. No, you don’t need to drown in cologne. Some of you guys just have that clean and sexy scent all the time just from detergent and deodorant.. and I dig it!!
  5. With that.. Hygiene. Brush and floss your teeth. Cut your toenails. Have clean sheets and towels. Don be gross.
  6. Domestication… aside from clean sheets and towels, just be able to pick up after yourself. And also be able to cook. Because that is just a big ol’ bonus. Let’s be up in the kitchen cooking together. Or take turns.. whatever 🙂
  7. Good tipper. A guy that knows 20% is the standard, and no less is acceptable. And also someone who is polite to server staff.
  8. Responsible dog owner.
  9. Supports my dreams – encourage me. Talk to me. Brainstorm with me!!
  10. I also want a guy who won’t mind giving me massages sometimes – ok, a lot. And I want to return the gesture!
  11. Surprise me sometimes. Little things count!
  12. Take my sarcasm. I am clever and jabby– know that and take it like a man! 😉
  13. Love the ocean. Go swimming in the waves with me and soak up the salt water
  14. Not too outdoorsy. Look, I’m just not that into outdoor running and hiking.. haha
  15. I hope you know how to mix a nice drink!
  16. Strong hands
  17. Tells good jokes!
  18. Treats my friends well and gets to know them
  19. Has a few decent guy friends. I say this because, well, birds of a feather!
  20. Good grammar.
  21. Sarcastic, and sweet
  22. Someone who I can make laugh. Because I’m fucking funny.

This is in no way a list of “demands” or me requiring some perfect guy who meets all of my “requirements”. This is me, making a list of awesome little qualities that I think I would love! OK, Universe – I’m waiting for my guy that hardly even sucks at all! ts your move!!



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Old School Love

That feeling that literally stops your breathing. It brings every tiny thought to a screeching halt. It’s a picture. Of him. You know the guy that I am referring to. He is the one who could take your breath away 10 years ago. He is the one who has consumed so much of your thoughts for 10 years. Whether it was learning from him, or holding everyone else up to his standard, he was there at the forefront of your mind. I hope that someone reading this can just understand the sinking feeling I have in my heart right.

He does not take up my thoughts and day dreams as much as he used to, no. But every so often I stumble upon his picture on Facebook (damn you, Facebook) and I. stop. Dead. In. my. Tracks. I see him with his closed mouth smile and wonder if he is truly happy. I see the balding on the top of his head. And I see the two children he has acquired since I have been gone. I wonder if he ever thinks about me, too.

Him and I met in the 9th grade. We had geometry together and I thought he was a hottie! We flirted, but that’s about it. Senior year we became really close. We partied together every weekend. He was protective of me, and I of him. My feelings grew deeper, and I worried that I was too far into the friend zone to even date him. After all, he was Mr. Popular and I was just..me.

Finally when we were 19 I was planning on moving to Arizona to live with my mom (she moved there when I was 18). My friends were sad about it, but I wanted a change. One night I was dropping him off at home, and got a call from him as I turned the corner. He told me he forgot his wallet and to please come back. I pulled in the driveway, excited to see my crush for one more minute that night, happy to do him the favor. He got into my car (I am smiling so big right now, reminiscing) and he had this concerned look. He blurted out that I cannot move away. That he has feelings for me and wants him to stay. As his girlfriend. And move in with him. Him and I. My heart was beating so fast, as it is now. Those feelings were so strong and we were in love. We shared a kiss that was so incredible. Only two best friends could share such a momentous kiss. I cannot even remember how the rest of the night went (no, not that you guys!). But I could tell you dozens of stories, in detail that happened over the next 2 years.

Needless to say, that relationship ended. The story of why will be another day. But he is the guy. He is the one that can consume so much of me even after all these years. And it is not because I want him back or that I have not been able to move on. It is just something special that him and I shared, that we went through a lot together in such a short amount of time for how young we were.  This is a relationship that I want to document. So I will come back to it.

But you guys. He is not even on Facebook, or any social media thank God, but he still haunts my internet. WTF. Before and after dating must have been such an easier concept 20 years ago!!

I would not go back and change a thing though. This was one of those relationships that taught me a lot about myself, love, strength, weakness, heart ache, independence, and persevering. Looking back may sometimes make my heart skip, but it brings me joy to know that I was lucky enough to experience such a thing, more than once. It Hardly Sucks at all 😉

I do feel so much better that I wrote that all out. I’m not even going to re-read this before I post. This will just be a raw rambling from a moment of chaotic thoughts. Good night and happy Sunday, readers!




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Pet Peeves of Online Dating

Who here has dabbled in online dating?  I’m not going to entertain the legitimacy of the whole thing, but I am going to go on a slight rant of my issues with some of these gentleman callers. Now, I understand that for many, like myself, online dating was brand new concept. For starters, it was a j-o-b to get a decent profile going. It is literally like selling yourself, much like a resume. But unlike a resume, you also have to include the most flattering of pictures, without them being misleading, of course. Shit, at least on my resume, it won’t reflect how I’ve neglected the gym or my love of selfies! But enough about that. Here goes…

Pictures.  What is with all the shirtless photos, men? I get it that you work hard in the gym, but you showing me your shirtless pic just tells me that you think I’m shallow enough to date you based on that alone. Shirtless selfies in the mirror? No. I’m sorry. I will pass!  Post a few (recent) pictures of yourself, just you. We don’t care if you had to crop friends out- that’s cool, we like you to have friends!

6 Things. You’ve been asked for 6 things you cannot live without. Please, either be ridiculously clever, or just plain and honest- say your cell phone and your dog like everyone else. I already know you can’t live without oxygen and water. I’ll take family, friends, laughter… That’s all good. But leave “sunshine” to the rookies.

Hey there, beautiful. Uh, fucking gag me. Whether it is your first message or your 5th, for heaven sake, say something worth reading and responding to. I learned after my first 24 hours of online dating, that the ones who cannot live without air are the same ones who begin their ‘big move’ with a numbing “hey”.  Comment on anything you want, anything at all, but give us somethin! Tell me a knock-knock joke, comment on where I grew up, or go ballsy and make fun of ME! Make us laugh, fellas.,. We just cannot live life without laughter!

All-inclusives. Those guys.. and girls.. who are just the MOST. SPONTANEOUS. PERSON you will ever meet. Really? Are you? Continue on, please about how we can find you doing anything from a movie night in or a night on the town. You are so exhilarating!! Mind= Blown.

These are just a few. But I think that many of the ladies would agree that these are standard online dating faux pas. We get it. It is tough to make an online profile that stands out in a crowd of hundreds. But I promise you that if you take the time to stay clear of trying to sound so cliché-unique and showing off your hot bod, you will get more bees with that honey! Ya heard? 

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Things I learned from 90201

If you’ve seen even 5 minutes of 90210, the new series, you are well aware that this show is filled to the brim with drama. I started watching a few weeks ago and I have been sucked into this world of teenage love triangles- and there are a lot of love triangles. Its certainly a show that leaves you bewildered.. these teens may be crazy, but they are patient. And they are on to something. Here are a just a few things I’ve picked up from them along the way…

1. I’ve learned that the truth always comes out. I am the type of person that usually sticks up for myself on the spot. I don’t know if this is a bad habit or not. But based on the 90210 gang, rest assured that the truth will set you free! 

2. I have learned that getting revenge is more trouble than it is worth. So let things go. If a friend betrayed you, it is not your job to publicly humiliate him or or. Let their choices decide their fate. Don’t let it tarnish your good character. 

3. There IS more to dating than just looks. We’ve only seen this happen a few times on the show, but the sentiment holds true that these relationships are the happiest relationships… meaning the ones we cultivate out of characteristics and chemistry, rather than popularity rankings and pretty genetics. 

4. Heartbreak. It is just part of the deal. If you’ve had your heart broken once, but somehow came back to life from the deep depths of agony, you know that it really does help you grow. I have had my heart broken a handful of times before, I feel empowered because of it. Sound crazy? Having your heart broken to any degree means that you have tried. It means that you let yourself be vulnerable to something bigger than you as an individual. The 90210 crew, however dramatic and unrealistic it may be, has the whole ‘let go and let love” thing down. I bet they all live happily ever after too. Bitches. 

5. I repeat, the truth always comes out. If you’ve been the one to do something wrong, just fess up. Sure it might suck at the time. But it is so much better to just confess and let things fall Image

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Secret. Single. Behavior.

or, SSB as some of you may remember from the ladies of Sex and the City… Carrie with her jelly crackers and fashion magazines; Charlotte with her magnified mirror; Miranda with her vaseline mittens!

We all have SSB, single or not! It is quite possibly the number one reason I enjoy living alone! Here are a few of my favorite secret single behaviors… what is your SSB??

1. Not wearing pants

1. No bra

1. Crackers and cheese in bed

1. Listening to the same song 17 times on repeat

1. 90210 (the new one)

1. Spying out of my window to be nosey

1. Facebook stalking!

1. Did I already say not wearing pants?

1. Dancing in the mirror

1. Sitting down in the shower

1. Candles and dim lights- all just for me!

1. Ordering food for two- all just for me!

1. Getting in my car with no destination

1. Selfies

1. Thrift shopping

1. Bread. SSB carbs dont count!

I won’t tell if you don’t!

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